We won't sleep together?
I need help removing her.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
