This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
