Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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