I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
it glows. i had to have it.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize