you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
