Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
