So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i barfeds in our rink
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
