we have officially lost it.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just found puke in my bra..
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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