So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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