We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
