Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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