God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
