once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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