Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
