Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
