This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
