Will you blow on my dice?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
