I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
