my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
