I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
