Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
