lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
