4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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