i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
