Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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