Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
