Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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