I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
