i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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