I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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