Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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