So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
