All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm too high and old for this...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
