New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
