I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
