she woke up with a sticky ear
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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