had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize