Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
