well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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