Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
