..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
