Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
