YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it penis luge time yet?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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