Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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