mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just pee around me
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize