Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
