My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
a search helicopter?!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
