You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize