I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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