i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
