3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
