We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
