it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
