Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
