I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
