Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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