Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
