he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
