I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
