she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
