I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
