It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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