did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude i'm inner monologue high
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
