whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
