Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
