You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize