I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
