I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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