I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
